| Quality time |
[May. 5th, 2009|11:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
A lot of parents, mums especially, seem to be fed this line that there was once some golden age when mums would have been constantly doting on their children - not going out to work and 'farming them out' to other people. Yes, a golden age of bonding when they were sung lullabies all day while little fluffy animals hung out the laundry.
But actually, kids get rather more quality time with parents now than they did historically. Pre the world wars, perhaps, mums who could afford help would have put them in charge of the kids and looked in on them a few times a day in between doing other stuff; less privileged mums in this period would have been too damn busy earning a meagre living or doing chores to spend much time on the kids.
Even my parents' generation would often have been left in a cot or playpen all day (perhaps outside in a pram or similar in good weather) when small, as it was felt there was nothing wrong with that, and also, their mums would be busy with the housework, and dad out working. Dads, until really quite recently, were often extremely uninvolved with their children - it was the woman's job and that was that, and dad was some distant figure maybe not even seen every day.
Do previous generations seem psychologically scarred by this 'neglect'? I don't think so. It's just another beat-the-parents-up-athon. |
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| Courtesy of alphamummy blog |
[May. 1st, 2009|03:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | dorky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Bees | ] |
1. What are your current obsessions?
Saving up money left at the end of the week, being mesmerized by the shitness of www.dailymail.co.uk
2. Which item from your wardrobe do you wear most often?
Looking like it’s going to be my new star-print trainers from New Look
3. What was your favourite childhood meal?
Tagiatelle with butter
4. Last thing you bought?
A bacon and egg roll :o
5. What are you listening to?
Office noise
6. If you were a god/goddess who would you be?
Isis – because she is wise and she is… a woman!
7. Favourite holiday spots?
Umbria, Cape Town
8. Reading right now?
Guns, Germs and Steel
9. Four words to describe yourself.
Talkative, eccentric, bodger, short
10. Guilty pleasure?
Philosophical biscuits
11. Who or what makes you laugh until you’re weak?
My cat sometimes
12. Favourite spring thing to do?
Just walking around and thinking 'Oooh, it's spring!
13. Planning to travel to next?
South West UK to visit friends, probably
14. Best thing you ate or drank lately?
Millionaire’s shortbread after office quiz
15. When did you last get tipsy?
Sister’s hen on Saturday
16. Favourite ever film?
Blade Runner
17. Care to share some wisdom?
There’s a price to pay for being different, but it’s worth it
18. Song you can't get out of your head?
La la la la-la la la If you seek Amy etc – what the hell is it about?!
19. One thing you'd really like to do this year?
Have a really nice day of pampering/massage and stuff. Not much chance, though. |
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| Appaling journalism... please permit me a rant... |
[Mar. 18th, 2009|09:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  infuriated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Yeah Yeah Yeahs | ] |
On urban75 today, i had my attention drawn to an article from the Sunday Express.
This article was about the survivors of the Dunblane massacre, now 18 years old. Under the title, of 'Sick messages shame memory of classmates'... yes, the reporter had tracked the kids down on facebook etc, and dragged them through the mud for such offences as:
- posting of photos of themselves 'making rude gestures'
- having fun and going out for a drink and talking about it
- not mentioning on their profiles that they experienced a horrific massacre 14 years ago
And, most unforgivably of all:
- posting pictures of themselves... 'enjoying university life'
Oh, the horror!!! The shamelessness!
Let me count the infuriating, unnecessary manipulativeness of that article:
1) 'Emotional fascism' - everyone should feel the way the media expects them to feel, dammit. Or else they're clearly insensitive and should be socially ostracised.
2) Victim culture - victims of trauma have no right to claim an identity other than as a victim. They ought to be traumatised for the rest of their lives and let the world know it
3) Demonisation of kids - One local commented 'can these really be genuinely the same young people?' - uhm, yes, they were four when it happened, they're now 18. Maybe some of them were little scrotes when they were and are much nicer now. Typical Express/Mail that the whole concept that kids talking about drinking, posing in photos and having fun is portrayed as clear signs of our off-the-rails, out of control youth! Quake in terror, oh denizens of suburbia.
It's not the kids who are making old people scared to go outside, it's the bloody Express.
Anyway, see the blood-boiling idiocy for yourselves: http://i41.tinypic.com/2up2tmt.jpg |
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| A concerned mother writes... :p |
[Feb. 27th, 2009|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Massive Attack - Protection | ] |
I think this Blog may become my ‘area of random musings about bringing up kids’, even though most of the things on my mind are quite a few years away.
The other day at the gym, there was a different music channel on from the usual MTV Dance or Base (the ‘urban music’ one) – Q music TV. So, lots of boring strum-strum la-la vaguely indie dadrock, but I was struck by two things. First, the videos were much more interesting, and second, how refreshing it was not to be bombarded by tits, arses and gussets. How depressingly refreshing, in fact.
Great, I’m bringing my daughter into a world where mainstream music is entirely visually represented by women in, at best, hotpants and a bra top, generally dancing in a way that pretty forthrightly simulates sex. Another few years and they’ll be wearing nothing but strategic coloured gaffa-tape.
Now, I imagine my daughter will have enough positive values in her life not to let this kind of thing turn her head too much, so I’ll not be losing any sleep over it. But I think I’m entitled not to like the fact that there is so much imagery, easily seen by young girls, depicting women like this and that girls, as they will do, will be copying this dance routine. Of course, they don’t know what the movements signify – I’m not one of those stupid people who has the horrors at children hearing double entendres or sexual jokes that will go right over their heads anyway. But there’s something deeply skanky about unaware little girls grinding their groins about blithely. |
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| Dream home on offer for Goths |
[Feb. 23rd, 2009|06:48 pm] |
Spotted this was for sale as I was going past roday - Gothic gatehouse to St Pancras Cemetery, Finchley
Going at auction at a bargain price (perhaps unsurprising given its proximity to the cemetery and the North Circular), but someone of a Gothic bent could be made very happy. Or as happy as they're likely to get. ;) |
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| Writer's Block: Jackpot |
[Feb. 20th, 2009|01:13 pm] |
Depends how much, but if several mil, I'd move up to a house from our flat (Primrose Hill if we could spare a few of those mil), pay off my sibling's mortgages, pay off my parent's outstanding bills on their place in Slovakia, and ideally be able to live off the interest enough to volunteer a few days a week instead of work, cos I would need to do something. Would give a bunch to Chicken Shed Theatre, our synagogue building fund, Mind and Macmillan Cancer Nurses as well
Feck, there'd be nothing left! ;) |
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| Scary monsters |
[Feb. 19th, 2009|04:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Peaches | ] |
OK, so everyone says we’re stressing kids out through the media and scary news stories and too much testing in school and consumerism and so on. Which is quite possibly true. But it occurs to me, looking at all this stuff they’re expected to do in schools about emotional development and global citizenship and sustainability, might we also be stressing them out by going on about how they are responsible for saving the polar bear, they have to be extra super sensitive to everyone around them (or else they might damage people’s self-esteem by saying the wrong thing) and so on. I mean I know it’s well meaning and the aim is laudable, but are young kids ready to be loaded with all of this? Will they be able to put it in context, or will they internalise it as a load more shit to worry about? Most emotional and relationship stuff is kind of common sense, and most kids manage it fine and when they don’t manage it fine, they learn from it. Is there a danger we’ll make some more sensitive kids afraid of relationships because they’ll (mis)understand teaching about this as saying that there’s some major art to it that they have to master? |
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| Evilbook |
[Feb. 13th, 2009|05:00 pm] |
I am now over on Evilbook as me - gave in, as too many people were starting to plan social stuff on it, totally neglecting that some of us weren't on it.
Please feel free to be my evil friend.
Mwhahahaha!
Ahem, as you were.... |
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| Hated by the Daily Mail |
[Feb. 1st, 2009|09:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Howling Bells | ] |
I am now that most evil of creatures, The Working Mother.
I have to say, I don't feel very evil. I drop Ez off at the nursery, she looks very interested and happy, G picks her up, very interested and having been very happy all day according to the staff, which I can well believe, as she generally is. Having had best intententions to get her to feed herself baby-led weaning stylee, but it seems she may need some spooning to get enough down her, so we'll mix it up a bit.
Weird being back at work - one thing I know after three days is that I really would not want to be full time. I might consider four days if G ever gets to a position to work a four day week, as it would make life much easier financially, but it is a bit saddening to have so little time with her - she's just such a happy-making little bugger! But I got back into the swing of things, did find it especially annoying when there were intervals of nothing doing, though.
Slighty concerned that the main publication I'm working on looks to me like it's not going to outlast the year, though I suspect other things to do will be found if necessary. I'm inclined to stick with my employers for a while yet, though I may consider getting my CV out with agents in a few months' time just in case anything interesting crops up. |
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| Confused.com |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|09:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ditzy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Smiths - The queen is dead | ] |
G and I have been discussing money - I start work on Weds and now the savings to cover me for maternity leave are out, that means us running with bigger outgoings (ie, childcare) and much lower income (me working part time). By my, admittedly shonky, workings, I'm looking at much less income from work - by G's more-likely-to-be-right workings, I shouldn't lose that much, because the amount I'm taxed will drop a lot. I'm really hoping he's right, then we won't be that badly off. It seems reasonable for him to be right, because other people we know like us still manage and go on holiday and stuff, and they don't even have the extra income I have from renting out my old place - otherwise people would have to be earning way over the national average to cover childcare and have money left.
But we will have to find ways to economise anyhow, which is hard, as we're not exactly spendthrifts right now. And, much as I like my job, I may have to think about getting my CV out there in a few months' time and looking for some more money, though I do want to have time to earn my commissioning stripes at the current place. Guess I'll just have to see how it goes.
On another note, just been re-reading old entries, back to my first from February 2004. Quite weird seeing all that, and brought a few things back. |
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| It would be so nice |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|08:35 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
So, we took a holiday... and it was very nice. Very glad we stayed with G's grandpa - at 91, everyone's always doing things for him and I think it was really positive for him to be able to play host. And to downright have some company - it's a pretty crappy situation for him, though at least he does have one daughter locally and we saw that other people do come to visit him. We're hoping to go out again next Xmas and that he'll still be with us (possible - physically he's not in great shape, but, despite the deafness, he's intellectually all there, though depressed as hell). Will mean giving up on a holiday abroad in summer, but we were thinking of hiring a cottage somewhere in the UK with fellow baby-parents anyway.
Starting work again a week on Wednesday, and quite looking forward to it. It will be weird and a bit sad not to see Ez for so long, but also kind of liberating. |
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| Year's end |
[Dec. 20th, 2008|08:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pixies - Bossanova | ] |
Wow, we're nearly there. The end of the year my life really did change for good. And I don't regret a thing about that change.
Sure, it's Saturday night and I'm not out (though I was at my office party last night) and everything takes more time and planning, but I don't feel I'm missing anything, to be honest. I suppose in some ways I've been letting go socialising as much with friends gradually over the last year or two, knowing that things were heading babywards, so I've eased myself into having a quieter social life gradually.
I'm still frustrated by my difficulties in making 'mum friends' - I've met some people I felt I clicked with, but I didn't know where to go from there. It just seems a bit weird to me to just ask someone you just met to meet up somewhere else - it's way harder than trying to ask a bloke out IMO! I'm not sure how I'm going to connect with nursery mums next year, especially as I suppose we'll all be wanting to dash straight to work or home. I presume it'll be down to just inviting fellow babies to Ez's birthday and stuff like that. I'm not too much under scrutiny at the moment, but after a while, my mother-in-law is going to start questioning me about whether I've made friends (specifically what she would call 'nice friends')and worrying if I don't and then bugging me about it all the time. I feel a bit intimidated about the thought that I'm sort of responsible for making friends on Ez's behalf while she's little.
Oh well, cross that bridge when we come to it.
G's spent much of today yelling and swearing in the basement, but the upshot is that he's got a few shelves up in there so we can actually store some things in an organised manner, which is pretty impressive given the mass of cardboard and wood that was there. We also have a new wardrobe built in Ez's room which I am mega pleased with and so justifies the faff and expense of extending that room - we've now truly made a good second bedroom in the flat, rather than it just being a box. |
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| Tentative relief |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|07:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relieved | ] |
We've emailed the builders... G has at last agreed not to go for the building work, though he's come up with his own reasons not to do it. I won't quite believe it's over until they've come and finished up the kitchen (not likely to be until next year) but now we can get cracking with finishing some other shit up, which means we might actually be looking at a finished home before next summer.
Had a shitty week last week... mother-in-law was on the warpath, and the worst thing was she kind of had a reason (though it was all vastly overstated) and I also had to have it brought to my attention that I was not looking after our place given I'm at home most of the day and it's not like our daughter is hard work. And it was so stupid, it's not even as though I was trying to do stuff, but failing, I just managed somehow to forget to do domestic stuff beyond just the laundry and a bit of washing up.
Anyway, it's been nearly a week since my new leaf was turned, and the kitchen's looking much less of a dump (well it is to me, I bet G will say it's still crappy) and the lounge is in better order, and I haven't even had to do much to get it that way. I'm working on building up one good habit at a time - the first one's doing the washing up ASAP - and that makes a huge difference, as the surfaces aren't covered in stuff waiting to be cleaned and thus can be wiped down easily etc.
Hoovering is probably the next frontier... :o |
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| Happy birthday to me (a bit belated from myself) ;) |
[Nov. 14th, 2008|09:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Les Rythmes Digitale | ] |
Had a good birthday on Wednesday - G suggested that we do something at the last minute, and luckily mum was about to take care of baby. We had a lovely meal at Skylon in the Royal Festival Hall and then saw 'Man on Wire' (about the guy who wire-walked between the WTC towers) at the NFT, as it was on there. Good thing,too, as I missed it first time and it has to be one of the most positively reviewed films of all time, and with good reason. Corpsie, you should see this one, I think it would appeal to you!
Going to the pub tonight, expecting somewhere between 6 and 12 people depending on everyone's respective crapness. Only one person has confirmed for the clubbing later, but we may go elsewhere with some other mates who had a plan to go out anyway. It's frustrating when, for the first time in five months, you deposit your baby overnight (noble mum again!), but no one will actually be clear if they'll come out or not. Luckily there is an ultimate back-up plan of somewhere I know some folks will be if all else fails. Because I am going out, dammit!!! |
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| Voting - yr doin it rite |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|03:09 pm] |
I was sat on the loo this morning when I heard G holler 'Whoo hoo!' from the bedroom, where he was listening to Radio 4. It was then I knew that America had done the right thing.
I fear Obama will be buried by the economic doom, but his election is a powerful message to those who feel that voting changes nothing, given the large numbers of African Americans who this year registered to vote for the first time. Yes, it's unfashionable, but I believe in voting. My mum grew up in a country where they didn't have the right to vote.... and people here who whinge about how it's 'a police state, maaaan' and how they're going to sock it to Da Man by not voting don't know they're born, frankly.
The election of Obama also a positive message to disillusioned people who may have absorbed the message either from radical types or hand-wringing white liberals that the whole world is set against them because of their race - this shows that's not true. Not that there aren't many other difficulties for a lot of these people, but it does show that the whole world may not be as racist as they think.
And, importantly, it's an intelligent and thoughtful man in the Oval office. |
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| A bit on the side |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|08:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chemical Brothers - Surrender | ] |
Worrying how the hell I'm going to afford anything has set me considering setting myself up to sing at weddings again. I don't plan on making it a career, but if it brought in a few hundred quid a month for a few hours' work, it wouldn't go amiss. That said, I don't know if there are any inbetweens. I guess you either never take off at all, or you get insanely busy every weekend.
I think my credentials are sound and when I typed 'wedding soprano' into Google, the one who came out on top of the list didn't sound better than me, so I reckon I'm good enough.
I'm thinking of setting myself up to perform with recorded accompaniments (so some initial layout to get started) and though I was initially worried it might seem 'cheap', the thing is I'm thinking of marketing myself as an affordable option for people who want something special, and only needing a hi-fi for accompaniment could be a boon for small weddings, registry dos etc, where they may not be a piano at hand or room for a keyboard.
I will have to learn some utter shite like 'My heart will go on' and stuff sung by 'crossover' artists because that's what people like, and I expect I'll find myself singing 5% of the repertoire 80% of the time. Thought, though I can also have a bit of a USP by offering a selection of appropriate pieces that people may not have heard before, for those who want something a bit different.
And obviously there's the Jewish wedding market, where there are songs to be sung at the ceremony and I think our synagogue newsletter might be a good place to start.
The url I want seems to be free and G is sure to be able design me an effective site, so I think it's worth a pop. |
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|
| Frustration |
[Oct. 6th, 2008|07:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
So, spent a lot of today upset now I'm starting to work out costs for childcare when I go back to work. Being an unnatural mother :p, I've actually decided to go back slightly earlier than I planned. I think I'd like to go back to work and reality.
Love Ez to bits, but I think really I'm looking forward to relating to her as an individual more than being someone who really enjoys the baby stage. This was sparked off by hearing other mums saying things like 'I feel really sad he won't be a baby for ever, I love him being dependent on me' or 'I can't bear to be apart from her' and realising that's just not how I feel. And then pretty much decided by hearing my sis-in-law saying how much she's enjoying combining work and motherhood now. I guess it might be different if Ez were a difficult or very needy baby, but I feel satisfied that starting nursery a month or two earlier would be fine for her.
Ah, but there's the rub. Nursery. It'll be equivalent to about 2/3rds of my work salary, even with the feted childcare vouchers. At least during my leave I've had savings to draw on, but I won't have that when working. I feel in sort of limbo - I like my job, but I don't love it; I love my daughter, but I don't think I can cope with being at home for the foreseeable, and either way I don't get much money. Also, it rather puts the kybosh on the idea I had that if childcare all gets too expensive (especially if we have another child), I can work freelance. I just don't think that would work now.
It just pisses me off so much - if you're not poor enough to get much state support and not rich enough not to have to work, you're basically shafted when it comes to having young children. I'm variously despairing and furious today. |
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| World beware! |
[Oct. 4th, 2008|09:18 pm] |
New (albeit 2nd hand) car arriving soon - we've put down the deposit, just waiting for the money to transfers to G's account, then it's ours. Citroen C4, automatic only 19k miles on the clock, which isn't bad. And this means... driving lessons :o Oh yes, soon I'll be on the roads, bringing... well, faffing and crawling along to Finchley and its environs. My plan is to aim for (let's face it) first test maybe January, second in February and then maybe I can pass the third time in March. My previous experience of driving lessons taught me that I couldn't do gears at all, but was OK with manouevres.
In the intervening 11 years (it has been that long!) I worry that I have become more nervous about traffic, for no discernable reason, so I'm slightly worried that I'm going to screech in terror (or to a halt) the first time I have to drive past a bus coming in the opposite direction, but we'll see.
It will be good to drive - for a start I'll be able to go out and get shit done on Saturday mornings in the time it takes G to wake up and get his arse in gear :p
Ez has discovered the Bumbo seat, and she likes:
Also managed to fall asleep in it the other day, like my dad after tea. :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2008|09:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Leftfield | ] |
Well, Ez has slept until 7am 4 nights out of 5 (went til 5 the other one), so things are beginning to feel more civilised. I have cut out the breastfeeding except for breakie and bedtime, and that seems to be working out well for everyone.
Still pretty tired, but getting some real sleep now - she's sleeping more in the daytime as well, which is a relief. I think I'm in an easy 'window' ATM - she's not yet mobile (and won't be for some time), can now entertain herself with simple resources and can chill without me in the room. Somepoint soon, she'll need more effort to keep entertained and this current window will close - but then there'll be other rewards. |
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